i've got to be honest

today

2007-01-14T00:19:21Z

62319 @ 2007-01-07T12:51:00

2007-01-07T20:56:05Z

now and again, it seems worse than it is but mostly the view is accurate
you see your breath in the air as you climb up the stairs
to that coffin you call your apartment
and you sink in your chair brush the snow from your hair
and drink the cold away
and you're not really sure what you're doing this for
but you need something to fill up the days
a
few
more
hours
there's a dream in my brain that just won't go away
it's been stuck there since it came a few nights ago
and i'm standing on a bridge in the town where i lived
as a kid with my mom and my brothers
and then the bridge disappears and i'm standing on air
with nothing holding me
and i hang like a star, fucking glow in the dark
for all the starving eyes to see
like the ones
we've
wished
on
now i'm confused, is this depth really you?
and do these dreams have any meaning?
i think it's more like a ghost that's been following us both
something vague we are not seeing

something more like a feeling

62319 @ 2007-01-07T11:46:00

2007-01-07T19:51:50Z

and every one of our attempted conversations,

ends with me in your arms and our lips pressed together

everyone one of our attempts at being friendly,

ends with us realizing that we can't be just friends

on january 7th 2006, meagan krystina bianchini became the happiest girl in the history of the world

62319 @ 2007-01-02T14:04:00

2007-01-02T22:09:08Z

wish list:
-slips/dresses
-a leaf necklace!
-new nikes
-white gem ring
-longer eyelashes
-a circle bed
-a green blanket
-soft slippers
-other side nose piercing

if for a holiday you get me one of those things i might love you more
(if i didn't love you before you bought it, it won't make me love you because
you can't just buy someone something and expect them to actually LOVE you
but if i loved you to start with then i might just love you a little more!!!!)

memorize the city

2007-01-02T22:02:40Z

+
edward norton
11:11
"i don't believe that anybody feels
the way i do about you now"
summer love
"i'll be your anything"
lost perfection
fight club
long hair
stay beautiful

-
i need ###
i need $$$

NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS
-stop biting my nails
-do better in math
-don't cut my hair

62319 @ 2006-12-31T18:15:00

2007-01-01T02:16:49Z

"sometimes i sit at home and wonder is he's sitting at home thinking of me
and wondering if i'm sitting at home thinking about him
or am i just wasting my time?"

i'm going to danielle's party pretty soon, i just need to get ready then pick up chels!

62319 @ 2006-12-31T12:12:00

2006-12-31T20:30:08Z

"and if this is what it takes just to lie with my mistakes
and live with what i did to you, and all the hell i put you through
i always catch the clock, it's 11:11 now you want to talk.
it's not hard to dream
you'll always be my konstantine"

2006:

"and if i hurt you, then i'm sorry. please don't think that this was easy
then you bring me home because we both know what it's like to be alone,
and i'm dreaming in your living room but we don't have much room to live"

11:11, they wished for each other

2006-12-30T20:58:46Z

i love finding old burnt cd's from the summer
this one from june is so scratched though
but it has all my old favourite cute songs

1 konstantine- something corporate
2 rapid hope loss- dashboard confessional
3 me and the moon- something corporate
4 some song off myspace
5 here without you
6 lost without you- blink 182
7 breaking away- ratatat
8 shirts and gloves- dashboard confessional
9 remember to breathe- dc
10 photobooth- deathcab for cutie
11 summer skin- deathcab for cutie
12 myspace song
13 some song off laguna beach
14 soft rock star- metric
15 crank heart- xiu xiu
16 3am acoustic

and i'm making a new cd right now too
1 lost perfection, between the buried and me
2 apocalypse now and then, everytime i die
3 what we have become, between the buried and me
4 remember to feel real, armor for sleep
5 aesthetic, between the buried and me
6 wait for tomorrow, blessthefall
7 wake up the dead, comeback kid
8 false idols fall, comeback kid
9 fashion tips baby, fear before the march of flames
10 through waiting, greeley estates
11 kids kids kids, heavyheavylowlow
12 something was always missing but it was never you, misery signals

and after all this time you still give me butterflies

it's hard to make conversation when he's taking my breath away

2006-12-29T17:41:08Z

i still haven't decided where i' m going on new years

the chemistry between us could destroy this place

2006-12-25T18:59:31Z

they were perfect, they were beautiful. they met in the middle of nowhere,
in the middle of nothing, and kissed where everyone could see. no words,
no before, no after. they kissed and it was perfect

christmas!
i got lots of nice stuff but mostly money
$$$385$$$

it's a missing emotion, a missing person
hey love, i'm missing you
it's more than just 11:11, it's more than a hug goodbye
hey love, the sky's still blue
things are great but where are you?

sometimes it's hard to know what's real when you're not

2006-12-25T03:36:48Z

waste all your time with me
i know i'm a mess right now but don't give up, believe
i'd wait it out for you

the obvious path to more perfect enlightenment

2006-12-22T01:30:36Z

it doesn't matter what i'm thinking, what i tell myself to do
i'll end up calling

i went home sick today because my stomach feels absolutely terrible!
and work underpayed me
and booked me on new years eve when i booked it off
i need to quit asap

ps i need 16 dollars!

62319 @ 2006-12-20T23:04:00

2006-12-21T07:04:57Z

all i want for christmas is you!

-5

like four days until christmas

what we have become

2006-12-20T03:51:06Z

+
christmas! 6
i found my favourite necklace
dance
i stopped biting my nails
and i put my ring on the other finger
(dayle told me it was bad luck to wear it on the left hand!)

-
psychology test
biology test
math test x2

god that was strange to see you again, introduced by a friend of a friend
smiled and said "yes, i think we've met before", in that instant it started to pour
captured a taxi despite all the rain, we drove in silence across p. champlain
and all of that time you thought i was sad, i was trying to remember your name

...this scar is a fleck on my porcelain skin, tryed to reach deep but you couldn't get in
now you're outside me, you see all the beauty,
repent all your sin
it's nothing but time and a face that you lose
i chose to feel it and you couldn't choose
i'll write you a postcard i'll send you the news from a house down the road
from real love
live through this and you won't look back
there's one thing i want to say so i'll be brave
you were what i wanted, i gave what i gave

i'm not sorry i met you i'm not sorry it's over i'm not sorry there's nothing to save.

62319 @ 2006-12-18T22:03:00

2006-12-19T06:04:53Z

let’s sail away to where the water goes some endless open space
let’s sail away
take only what you need, my love, and leave the rest behind
don’t be afraid of where we’ll go, my love
i promise you will be fine
now you are the only one thats mine
let’s sail away past the reflections of the light
let’s sail away floating weightless through the night
let’s sail away like a photograph, fading to all white
it’s finally all right
forget all the mistakes my love
they won’t be made again
leave the photos in the drawer, my love
we no longer need them
we both know where we’ve been
let’s sail away disappearing in a mist
let’s sail away with a whisper and a kiss

62319 @ 2006-12-18T21:36:00

2006-12-19T05:49:07Z

i adore the way you carry yourself with the grace of a thousand angels overhead
i love the way the galaxy starts to melt when we become one
...hold on to me and if you feel your grip getting loose
just know that i'm right next to you!

+
christmas break is in 4 more school days
my parents are going to las vegas on the 20th and i get to stay home!
my hair just keeps getting longer

-
math
math
math
math

6:22

2006-12-18T02:27:33Z

too many times we put our hearts on the line, hoping that this time it's going to be different. too many times we play the waiting game, because we're afraid of making decisions

meagan bianchini, this could be an opportunity if you promise to let it grow, because you're the one i love says:

it's this feeling in the bottom of my heart mixed with butterflies that i get when i think about it

meagan bianchini, this could be an opportunity if you promise to let it grow, because you're the one i love says:

that's what it is

meagan bianchini, this could be an opportunity if you promise to let it grow, because you're the one i love says:

i don't know what to call it

your lips are the best canvas

2006-12-18T00:58:29Z

8days until christmas
i have all my shopping done, i just need perfume for cassandra
and i'm pretty sure that's it

how does it feel to know you're everything i need?
the butterflies in my stomach could bring me to my knees

lately all i've been doing is sleeping
seeing friends
watching movies and listening to music
and! i'm thinking of little things i can get for
all my friends for christmas.. i'm so excited

...and to be completely honest, you're not like all the rest.

62319 @ 2006-11-05T14:55:00

2006-11-05T21:55:55Z

5 DAYS
FIVE DAYYYYS UNTIL THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE

OH MY GOD I AM GOING TO DIE

62319 @ 2006-11-03T10:44:00

2006-11-03T17:44:58Z

and i know it's not to get away from me, you just need a change of scenery
so strange how everything went wrong so fast, and i hope that this confusion does not last
these words might be too little too late, and i'm afraid that i've already lost you now
three months equals eternity and this will be so hard
and i will long to hold you in my arms
and when you ask, "do you love me"?
i do reply with "yes, most certainly". i always hesitate, there's something lingering
and i will try harder to be all that i can be
but these words might be too little too late
and i'm afraid that i've already lost you now
three months equals eternity and this will be so hard
and i will long to hold you in my arms

favourite old pictures!

2006-11-03T17:40:24Z

can you feel your heartbeat racing?

i remember when the days were long, and the nights when the livingroom was on the lawn

i never told you but it's all in your goodbyes

62319 @ 2006-11-03T10:17:00

2006-11-03T17:17:01Z

we've got to break it before it breaks us

i! have! the! worst! luck! ever!
i just got over the flu and now i have some eye problem
i actually feel like shit! and it's the weekenddd

but in SEVEN DAYS it's time for misery signals!
:hearts: :hearts: :hearts: :hearts: :hearts:

i love kora!

62319 @ 2006-11-02T22:19:00

2006-11-03T05:19:55Z

i like where we are
when we drive in your car
i like where we are, here
cause our lips can touch
and our cheeks can brush
our lips can touch, here

you are the one, the one that lies close to me
whispers "hello, i've missed you quite terribly"
i fell in love, in love with you suddenly
there's no place else i could be but here in your arms

cause i like where you sleep
when you sleep next to me
i like where you sleep, here.

you are the one, the one that lies close to me
whispers "hello, i've missed you quite terribly"
i fell in love, in love with you suddenly
there's no place else i could be but here in your arms

our lips can touch, our lips can touch
here

you are the one, the one that lies close to me
whispers "hello, i've missed you quite terribly"
i fell in love, in love with you suddenly
there's no place else i could be but here in your arms

here in your arms

honesty

2006-11-03T05:09:27Z

ten statements of pure honesty
instructions:
write ten statements intended to different people.
never tell which one is to who

1) i miss you so much and we never even talk at school, which makes me sad. you were a jerk and i hated you for so long, but then i realized i never hated you, i just hated how you were acting. if i could fix things i would.

2) i think you're a better person than how you act. you don't have to sleep with 867423 people to get attention, just be yourself and stop hiding behind your actions.

3) i wish we were still close because we had so much fun together. you have your boyfriend though and you guys are really good together so i guess it's meant to be. i'm glad you're happy.

4) you're always there for me. you're my best friend and i love you more than anyone. we never fight and always have the absolute best times together. whenever i need cheering up, you're there. even though your mom hates me i can always depend on you to put a smile on my face. i love you!

5) i really don't know what to say to you, it's confusing! i'm really happy for you, but i miss you insanely and i hope that one day we'll have something like i hoped we would. i guess i'm just gonna have to wait.

6) i haven't seen you since january but i hope i see you soon because we really had something

7) i need you in my life, but it seems like you make me feel worse than i should most of the time. you always talk about the negatives but in a subconsious way so i don't realize it. it took me awhile to see this, but you actually make things worse for me when you try to cheer me up. i don't know if you do it on purpose or what, but it's annoying and disappointing.

8) i hate the distance. so much. i miss you more than ever and please come back because i llllluv you boy!

9) you're one of my best friends but i just sometimes wish that you thought about your actions instead of just doing whatever you want. i love you, though.

10) of course i still miss you

this is a whole bunch of stuff that i thought i'd put here!

2006-11-02T23:30:00Z

(at least the important things)

1994 represent

these are my favourite people:
kora scott: she's my absolute best friend ever and no one gets better than her we've actually done the craziest things ever and yeah she's CraAaazztytyyru i love you

meghann weatherbee: actually the funniest person i know and she's only funny because she's so dumb but i don't blame her because we're pretty stupid together and it works out pretty well!

allison hayes: if lol was a word she would be the definition

other things:

i used to be cute and make special things for my friends

things i'm tired of:
sexyback
i'm tired of having the flu and being a sick factory this month
i'm tired of people being too busy
i'm tired of me being too busy
i'm tired of mcdonalds and my job
i'm tired of how i get bored so easily

i know everyone says they miss the "good old days".. this is what they were

currently my life consists of:
being sick
memoirs of a geisha
hellogoodbye
sleepover parties
eating/sleeping

my favourite things this month:
reading
phone calls
movie marathons, even though i fall asleep during the first one
good friends
good times
good weather
fairly consistent sleeping patterns

i miss too many people